Learn to leave the table

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table

When love’s no longer being served,

To show everybody that you’re able,

To leave without saying a word.”

Photo by Oye Diran 

On July 2 of this year, I turned forty.  - wow, let me say this quietly because I still haven’t gotten used to broadcasting my age to everyone, even though I look almost half as old. Yes, I appear to be twenty-six… but I haven’t been that age for quite a few years now. I don’t like to make a big deal about it. lol Maybe I have Peter Pan syndrome and haven’t been diagnosed yet.

Soon after stepping into this new chapter, I felt like I was living one of those magical movies from the 1980s - I almost literally became a new person. I let go of everything that harmed me, even when it seemed harmless.

There were people in my life whom I even liked, and still do, mind you - but I sensed they were careless, with little or no emotional responsibility. I decided it was time to acknowledge that I was the one always maintaining those relationships, and I no longer wanted to carry that burden. Letting go brought me immense peace.

Some people questioned it. I believe some might have thought I was overreacting. But because I cared for those people, I realized I was diminishing myself by not being treated the way I felt I deserved. I felt disrespected many times - yet so many times I let it slide. For them, certain behaviors felt routine or indifferent, even though I had voiced my discomfort countless times.

So after completing my personal rebirth, I chose to let them go and I pointed out the exit doors - of course, explaining why. Our goodbyes were mature, affectionate, and honest. The doors remain open - one day they might return, but only if they learn to practice true reciprocity.

About three years ago, while listening to You’ve Got to Learn by Nina Simone, I wrote the following piece. And now, finally, I’ve been able to put into practice what I wrote back then.

Nina Simone sings that you’ve got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served.

Moreover, I add reciprocity, respect, empathy, attention, kindness, understanding, and friendship, because despite someone’s flaws, people need to learn to appreciate the importance of your company. And when people appreciate that, none of these qualities are ever missing.

You have value, and it’s priceless. Your heart is beautiful; people may not see it, but if they come close, they’ll hear it beating within you. It is the source of your life.

You are courageous. You are intelligent. You are kind.

Don’t allow yourself to stay in places or situations where people can’t see that. Don’t let anyone make you feel unwelcome. Your presence is special.

Don’t waste your time on those who don’t appreciate the best of you. Definitely, learn to leave the table!

🎵**You’ve got to learn.**🎵

You’ve got to learn to show a happy face even

when your soul cries silently.

To hide your tears like one hides a sacred secret,

and move forward as if pain

never made its home in your chest.

You’ve got to learn that there won’t always bean

audience for your pain.

That there are days you must swallow your

pride, silencing words that burn in your throat.

You’ve got to learn to leave the table

when love’s no longer being served, and walk away

without looking back...

as one who says everything through silence.

Learn to live with a broken heart without letting

the world recognize the crack. And trust that even

on the darkest night,

tomorrow may hold light.

You’ve got to learn to be strong

when everything demands to fall apart.

To heed advice, even when it’s harsh.

To pay the price of freedom with tears.

And still... go on.Walk.Begin again.

Because you have value.And those who learn to live

with a broken heart never accept crumbs

when they deserve the banquet.

“You’ve Got to Learn” by Nina Simone

This is the song “You’ve Got to Learn” from the album I Put a Spell on You (1965), first performed live at Newport on July 2 (my birthday, lol), 1966.