all about love — bell hooks

In her latest book, All About Love, bell hooks presents in a very didactic way the definition of what love is, exploring both the act of loving and being loved. She, the author of great works such as Ain’t I a Woman?, Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom, and Black Looks: Race and Representation, passed away at the age of 69 from kidney failure in 2021. However, even after her passing, she managed to brilliantly conclude her journey on this earthly plane, leaving us once again with teachings and reflections in yet another masterpiece. All About Love is divided into thirteen chapters, each addressing redefined experiences that reflect bell hooks’ perspectives on love.

1 — Clarity: Putting Love into Words"Affection is only one ingredient of love. To truly love, we must learn to mix many ingredients — care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honesty and open communication."

2 — Justice: Lessons of Love in Childhood"Love is what love does, and it is our responsibility to give love to children. When we love them, we recognize through our actions that they are not property, that they have rights — which we respect and guarantee. Without justice, there can be no love."

3 — Honesty: Be True to Love"Trust is the foundation of intimacy. When lies erode trust, true connections cannot be formed. Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help us know love."

4 — Commitment: Let Love Be Self-Love"Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it, our other loving efforts fail. By giving love to ourselves, we grant our inner being the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always wanted to receive from someone else."

5 — Spirituality: Divine Love"Living life in contact with divine spirits allows us to see the light of love in all living beings. Every awakening to love is a spiritual awakening."

6 — Values: Living According to a Loving Ethic"Learning how to face our fears is one way to embrace love. Perhaps our fear will not go away, but it will no longer be in the way. Those of us who have chosen to adopt a loving ethic, allowing it to govern and guide how we think and act, know that by letting our light shine, we attract and are attracted by others who also keep their flame burning."

7 — Greed: Simply Love"In a loveless world, the desire for connection can be replaced by the desire to possess. While emotional needs are difficult — often impossible — to satisfy, material desires are easier to fulfill."

8 — Community: A Loving Communion"When we see love as the desire to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth, demonstrated by gestures of care, respect, knowledge, and responsibility-taking, the foundation of all love in our lives is the same."

9 — Reciprocity: The Heart of Love"Listening does not simply mean hearing other voices when they speak to us, but learning to hear the voice of our own heart, as well as our inner voice."

10 — Romance: Sweet Love"True love indeed has the power to redeem, but only if we are ready for redemption. Love saves us only if we want to be saved. Many people seeking love were taught in childhood to feel unworthy, to feel that no one could love them as they truly are, and built a false self."

11 — Loss: Loving in Life and Death"Love does that. Love empowers us to live fully and die well. Then death becomes not the end of life, but a part of it. Many people treat life with despair because they realize they did not live life as they wanted."

12 — Healing: Redemptive Love"No matter what has happened in our past: when we open our hearts to love, we can live as if we were born again, without forgetting the past, but seeing it in a new way, letting it live within us in a new manner. We move forward with the renewed perception that what has passed can no longer hurt us."

13 — Destiny: When Angels Speak of Love"Angels bring us knowledge of how we should proceed on the path of love and well-being. Coming to us both in human form and pure spirit, they guide, instruct, and protect us."

bell hooks teaches and reminds us of the importance of love in a society that has forgotten or perhaps never learned the true meaning of love. The author presents her perspective on dialogue, justice, spirituality, commitment, values, self-esteem, society, death, and forgiveness, dismantling the idea of love we are accustomed to and revealing facets that we had previously ignored or never known. She affirms that we must approach love as action, since society is used to fantasizing, idealizing, and overly romanticizing love. However, from the moment we start thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling, we automatically assume responsibility and commitment.

bell hooks states that true love is unconditional but, to truly blossom, it demands constant commitment to struggle and constructive transformation. She adds that the heartbeat of true love is the willingness to reflect on one’s own actions, process them, and communicate this reflection to the loved one.

Throughout its thirteen chapters, bell hooks highlights and moves through various spheres of love, ranging from the relationship between parents and children, to conjugal relationships, social relations, and the relationship with ourselves.

If we knew the true definition of love, we would neither submit to nor accept destructive relationships disguised as care, concern, correction, and protection. Many of us have experienced or still experience relationships that, instead of doing us good, only bring sadness and disillusionment. These are classic abusive relationships and toxic bonds that often start in childhood. However, those who should offer well-being end up offering undue punishment and abuse. In this way, we carry into adulthood the abuse normalized in childhood. bell hooks points out that most children physically and/or psychologically abused were taught by responsible adults that love can coexist with abuse. And in extreme cases, that abuse is an expression of love. This follows us into adulthood when we normalize disrespect and mistreatment by those who say they love us, such as friends and partners, since these perceptions were shaped in childhood. She concludes by stating that true love is the foundation of our involvement with ourselves, family, friends, partners — with all those we choose to love.

Text by Alessandra Martins

Access below to purchase the book All About Love — New Perspectives